Religion, Fear, And Your Mind

So, I mark my return to blogging with a new post.  The topic?  Religion and fear.  Do they go hand-in-hand?  Well, most often they do.  Mainly it’s the fear of judgement after death.  It’s seen in just about every religion– Am I right?  Am I wrong?  Did I do this right?  Is this a sin?  Is God (or are the gods) mad at me?  And then there are some religions that no matter what you do, you deserve what you’ve gotten, whether it’s something as small as a mosquito bite or something as tragic as a loved one being struck dead with a car accident/cancer/heart attack/lightning.

Speaking of lightning, let me tell you about a certain fear of mine.  Those of you who know me from Ex-Christian or Ex-Religious or you newcomers from Storm Phobia would know that I have a very severe phobia of lightning and thunder.   So if I anger God/the gods, it would really, REALLY suck if I was struck down by lightning.  And this fear has manifested itself in a religious matter.  Let’s go back in time to January 2008, when the first big storm of the year hit.

So I was awakened by thunder.  My least favorite way of waking up.  I run to my parents’ room where it’s safe (well, feels safe at least).  And while I’m wrapped up in my blankets, I question my own lack of faith.  I was under the impression that God was angry at me for leaving Christianity.  For a while I hovered in the void of confusion, the exact same place I was in when I realized Christianity was not for me, back in June 2006.  Is there a God?  Is he/she/it mad at me?  Is He punishing me for being an atheist?  But wait… if He is punishing me, why use a thunderstorm?  Aren’t there better ways?

During storms I tend to wonder if I’d done something terrible to deserve dealing with my worst fear.  I don’t believe in a higher power/deity/Supreme Being/God/gods/whatever, but somehow I think that there is a force out there that is angry at me and that’s why the storms are so bad.

But then I realized… wait a minute.  If God loved me, and if He would forgive me for being an atheist, why would he decide to punish me with a thunderstorm?  How would this make me want to go back to Him?  Is this all in my head anyway?

So, the atheist part of me prevailed.  Oddly enough, that was one of only three bad storms to hit my town.  All of the others skated by, and all my town got was a little bit of thunder and rain. The other two since the storm back in January have been nasty, but those times I was either with someone who wasn’t a family member (my family thinks it’s strange that I am so afraid of storms) or I was at school.

And then I lived happily ever after, still an atheist, not yet struck down by lightning (and I’m hoping I didn’t just jinx myself…) and knowing full well that whatever goes through my mind does not affect the weather around me (unless I have some sort of weather-making power, in which case I need to tap into this so that I no longer have to worry about storms).  The end!

Okay, not quite the end.  A few months ago I realized that my head was not screwed on straight, and that my storm-phobia (Astraphobia, Brontophobia, Astrapophobia, Keraunophobia, Ceraunophobia, Tonitrophobia… Jesus Christ!  how many names are there for this?!) was not normal.  And I dare say, having panic attacks at the mere sound of thunder or flash of lightning is a bit… irrational.  So I go on the internet to see if there is any kind of help out there, anything that can make me stop fearing storms… and what do I find?

A ministry (as in a religious/church group) founded to help people with phobias.

Yeah, lovely.  Fight the fear of storms with the fear of Hell!  Religion, in my mind, is but a mind game anyway.  So what is it for me?  Fear storms, or fear Hell?  Fear very real atmospheric conditions that generate electrical discharges that strike trees, cars, buildings, telephone poles, PEOPLE, houses, and scare the hell (teehee) out of anyone nearby?  Or fear a possibly made-up underworld of death and damnation and fire and screaming and crying and burning?  I’d go with the storms- there’s no  reason to fear an imaginary place.

Whoohoo! I have returned!

Because I finally have a new password.  Yay!  I’d lost the old one and WP for some reason wouldn’t get me a new one.

So… another thought, but alas, I’ll have to post tomorrow, since I have a block today and can’t get my head straight, probably from a lack of sleep.

ttfn!

Saying the Lord’s name in vein

As an American teenager, I can safely say that American education officially sucks, especially when it comes to teaching English.  Few others can spell anything.  In fact, so much emphasis is put on math and science (not even mentioning the controversy between evolution and creationism, but I’ll talk about that when it comes) that English and social studies suffer.  Give any American teenager a math problem, he or she can do it or at least make a very good attempt at it.  Ask any American teenager what a cell is, they’ve known (and re-learned it) since seventh grade.  But tell any teenager to write an essay, you’re bound to get half a page of txtspk and poor grammar.  Ask a teenager what country the city of Reykjavik is in, they’re bound to ask you if Reykjavik isn’t some gibbrish word you jsut made up.

Now let’s look at the cliched and trite “hooks” that Big Christianity uses to “save the world” and “spread the word of God.”   If any teenager has ever been to any youth group not completely created by their own church (such as AWANA) you’d know that the tone of some of the lessons are quite condescending (ESPECIALLY if you were in AWANA!) Some Christians would do anything to sell their product, and that includes youth group handbooks, chain emails, and MySpace bulletins.

Here’s one I got from my sister on MySpace:

Subject: Yeah, freal.

Okay, I thought this was some MySpace drama my sister tends to get into.  well… notsomuch.

You get high, you drink, you use the Lord’s name in vein (and you dont try to stop), you have/talk about sex all the time, you wear ‘666′ or other reference of the devil on your clothing, yet you call yourself a CHRISTIAN.

Bold is mine.  So… I’ll reply.  I don’t get high, I don’t drink, I do use the Lord’s name in vain but not in vein, no I don’t try to stop, I don’t havve sex or talk about it all the time, I don’t wear “666″ or references to the devil on my clothing… but I don’t call myself a Christian.

I think that our crappy American education is starting to rub off on the evangelism bulletins.

Virus Alert

Finally, something to blog about. And something that has little to do with atheism. Well lately I’ve been having to deal with two different viruses. At least I think one is a virus.

Virus One

This one came rather suddenly and unexpectedly… like most viruses. I’ve been home sick for the last few days (and for some reason there’s no school today) with a sore throat, stuffy nose, and dizziness. What have I been doing all this time? Trying to cure Virus Two.

Virus Two

this is a right nasty SOB. It travels through MSN messenger and pretty much won’t go away. At first it crashed my antivirus so I had to go with my anti-adware. Adware picked it up, and so I deleted it, thought it was gone. But noooooooooooooo.

Then weird things started happening to my computer. The time on my computer was the same (It was 8:30 am April 1st) but then the year was reset to 2080. Finally my anti-virus started working properly so it picked up the virus and finally I could rest. right?

No.

Thinking my computer was no longer infected, I went to Firefox. (I decided to stop using Internet Explorer, IE has waaaayyyy too many popups…. unfortunately hotmail does not appear to work in FF. >.<) I went to a forum I normally go on (not Ex-C) but my friend’s signature, instead of being a banner for a game, became ads for dating sites, porn, and iPhones. So I promptly left that forum and now my computer just detected two viruses… blargh.

HOW DO I GET RID OF THIS FREAKING VIRUS?!?!?

Varying degrees of condescension « Diary of a Teenage Atheist–My response

Varying degrees of condescension « Diary of a Teenage Atheist

 Something to think about, eh?  I’m only two years younger than TA, but I know exactly what she’s talking about.  To me, I’m not sure when or if I’ll ever get married, I’m not sure I’ll have a kid, I’m not sure what’s in the future for me except more college spam (which I will rant about if I get more of it when I’m in Florida), and *gasp!* I don’t believe in Christianity.  Every adults’ answers?  “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

Let’s take a moment to ponder this, shall we?  “You’ll understand when you’re older.”  It’s normally said by someone in their mid-thirties or older, and occasionally some in their twenties (as TA pointed out with “Annie”).  Normally the “kid” (TA and I don’t really count as kids anymore, folks) has challenged some sort of value or belief the adult holds, such as marriage, having kids, relationships, careers, and of course religion.  I once told my mom I wasn’t sure if I wanted kids when I was older.  The conversation went a little like this:

Mom: Why don’t you want kids?
Me: because they’re hard to take care of, and I’m not the best with little kids.
Mom: but being a mother is a great experience!  Sure it’s hard, but it pays off!
Me: I’ll adopt then.
Mom: But what about having your own children?
Me: The idea of pregnancy scares me.
Mom: Well it does now, but you’re only 15 [I was 15 when this conversation took place].  When you’re older it won’t scare you.
Me: Why do I have to getpregnant anyway?  I’d still rather adopt.
Mom: You’ll understand when you’re older.
Me: ….!??!

 So… yeah.  The idea of pregnancy does scare me.  I know, I know, I’m only 16 (*rolls eyes*) but really, what isn’t scary about having another human being grow inside your body, that you will have to raise (or in some cases have the child adopted by someone else), and then if you’re a first-time parent you have little clue what you’re doing, and then there’s a chance that the kid will grow up all kinds of insane.  Yeah… scary to me.  But “I’ll understand when I’m older.”  Yeah, sure.  Oh-kay.  (I’ll still adopt though.)

Then it’s the whole atheism thing.   My mom likes to convince herself that my atheism is just a phase that’s lasted for nearly two years.  Eh no.  Sorry Mom, still an atheist, and most likely will be (unless by some strange circumstance I get into Wicca again…)

“are you still an atheist?”  Yes, I am.  This isn’t a phase.  Stop acting like it is.

“Why should I believe in God?”
“You’ll understand when you’re older.”

grr.

Two musings!

So, I come back with two musings… now that I know how to use WordPress properly.   Both of these have to do with my Spring Break, which just started today (no school!  Whoo hoo!)  So these two musings have come about because of religion.  One has to do with my upcoming band trip to Florida, the other has to do with Easter itself. 

 Musing Numero Uno:  Merry Crossmas to all, and to all a good…. Sunday morning?

This article from Slate talks about how Easter has so far resisted the commerialism Christmas has fallen victim to.  Christmas and Easter are the most major Christian holidays, of course, so why does Christmas cause so much controversy and have all sorts of capitalistic and commercial baggage tied to it, while Easter doesn’t? They both have been mixed in with Pagan traditions over time– in fact, the reason Christmas and Easter both coincide with Saturnalia and Ostara respectively is because of the Church attempting to win over Pagans.  James Martin says it’s because of the stories behind them.   According to Martin, the Christmas story is much more palatable to the secular mind than the Easter story.  I have to agree myself– what isn’t palatable about a virgin giving birth to a cute little baby boy who grows up to be the Savior?  That’s a perfect image for a mid-to-late December greeting card: An infant boy with a little halo lying in a manger, sleeping peacefully, while his virgin mother, the mother’s husband (though not the infant’s actual father… but that’s for another time), the shephards (according to one version of the story), and the Three Kings of Orient (according to another version) looking upon this little baby happily.  Add a bit of glitter and it’s perfect.  But the Easter story, Martin says, is the antithesis of the Christmas story.  The little baby boy lying in the manger has grown up now, and at the age of 33 is suffering the worst punishment the Romans can think of- stripped nearly naked, beaten, humiliated, and nailed to a cross and tortured even more until he dies.  Three days later, the man rises from the dead and floats away to heaven.  More recently Easter has had more focus on the execution rather than the resurrection.  Not a good image for a mid-March-to-early-April greeting card. 

With Christmas comes gifts.  It’s been a tradition for centuries now, possibly because of the Pagan traditions of Yule and Saturnalia tied in with it.  There are also gifts in Christianity.  Gifts mean money is spent.  And if people are spending money….!  That’s why so many corporations advertise like crazy during the Christmas season.  Everything about Christmas is happy happy fun fun joy!  Nothing upsetting or scary about Christmas (unless you count the stress that comes with buying people gifts, decorating, and then the idiots who think there’s actually a war on Christmas….).  But Easter?  Quite scary, until you get to the resurrection.  Sure, the secular aspects of Easter are cuddly-  bunnies, eggs, Peeps- just as cuddly as the secualr aspects of Christmas.  The secular aspects are much more marketable than the religious ones, when it coems to Easter.  Which is why a lot of fundies whine about how hard it is to find religious items around Easter, because of all of the bunnies and eggs.

But despite Easter being a far more religious holiday than Christmas anymore, Easter is quite easy for me to deal with.  Easter isn’t as in-your-face as Christmas is.  Sure, you get fundies trying to preach to everyone about Easter, but because Easter is religously pure compared to Christmas, people generally leave it alone and Easter passes quietly, little controversy, little commercialism, just an important date on the calendar.

Musing Numero Dos: This one time, on the band trip…

So I’ll be in Florida next week for a spring break band trip.  whoo hoo!  But… her friend, Christiane*, isn’t going.  She’s going to Guatemala instead.  She’s going to be a teenage missionary. 

Um, what?

Yes, she’s going to Guatemala to, as the church letter said, “share her faith”.  Again… what?  Her parents are sending their fiteen year old daughter to Guatemala?  To be a missionary?  Madness.

What do you have to say about this? 

Deconversion

I promised y’all a deconversion story, so y’all are getting one.

I was born and “raised” a Christian.  Apparently going to church for a few weeks with years of sleeping in on Sundays in between those few weeks, and only recognizing Christianity around Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter actually does count as “being raised a Christian”.  I don’t recall ever attending church prior to age 5.  At 5 or 6 I lived in the UK (I wasn’t born in the UK, I moved there at 4) and I went to this sort-of church thing where we goofed off and read Bible stories.  Not that I had any clue what was going on, I thought it was some type of daycare.

At 6 I moved back to the US, and right into Jesusland (though a different area of Jesusland).  That’s when my mom decided that we should go to church A.  Naturally, I hated it.

At 7 I moved to the part of Jesusland I’m in now.  It became harder for us to attend Church A because instead of being 10 minutes away we were now 30 minutes away.  That, and my parents got sick of the hypocrisy.  So we dropped out of that church, and after a few weeks we transferred to church B.

We did not get a warm welcome at Church B.  So my parents were like ”screw this” and once again we dropped out of church.   So then we were on to Church C.

I should mention that in my later years of elementary school (3rd and 4th grade, I attended 5th grade at the middle school) I had a youth group at Church C.  I had a few “friends” there (not that I had many real friends until probably 10 or 11, I was bullied and left out for 3 or 4 years and until 14 bullied and left out to a lesser degree) and I liked the youth group.  So my parents decided to check it out.  We only went one sunday.  My parents didn’t like the church.

So years passed before I went to church again.  When I was 11 my sister was invited to AWANA at Church D.  She brought me along for “Friend Night”.  (I have many, many rants about AWANA, but I will save them for a later entry).  So my sister and I were involved in AWANA for a few months before my parents decided to poke around Church D.

And so we attended Church D for two years.  Then, after my mom let it slip that (gasp!  SHOCK SCANDAL OMGWTFBBQ GASP!!!!) I liked Harry Potter.  Well Church D was a ”Community” church so naturally everyone thought I was some sort of Satanic freak. (All for reading a fantasy novel.)  So my parents dropped out of Church D when I was 13.

I was a crazy cuckoo fundie when I was 12.  I’m not sure why.  But I quickly snapped out of the homophobia and anti-unbeliever BS by 13.  At 13, my faith in Christianity started to slip.  I had never accepted many doctrines that I’d been taught.  Gays weren’t evil.  I had never accepted the Trinity, probably because nobody had ever told me about it until I was 11 and then it made no sense at all (now that I think about it the Trinity is possibly based on Pagan beliefs… again, another rant, another entry).  And there were various other doctrines.  I let go of less and less of the doctrine, until I found Paganism.

When I started studying Paganism at 14, I found that almost everything Christians believed came from Paganism.  I was confused. I left Christianity, realizing it was all ripped off.  I became agnostic, and then an atheist.

And I am still an atheist.

Why hello there!

Well, my blog over at Blogspot isn’t working out too well.  I’ve only made entry, but i can’t make another.  Crap.  So, this looks quite a bit easier to use, so I’ll use this.

So who am I, and why am I a Thinking Teen?  I’ll just give you the basics.
Name: I’m not giving out my real name all over the internet.  For this blog’s purposes, I’ll just call myself Aurelie, since that’s my name in my French class..
Age: 16. 
Grade: 10.
Location: Jesusland, USA.
Hobbies: Music, writing, debating
Why am I a Thinking Teen?:  Well, I’m an atheist.  I didn’t “convert” to atheism to rebel.  That’s a pretty stupid way to rebel.  I thought too much, when I was 14.  I don’t come from a particularly religious family, so I couldn’t really rebel against some type of element that was never really there.  Yes I used to be a Christian.  No I don’t have anything against Christians.  I considered, studied, and even dabbled in other religions before falling out of belief in any type of religion.  I’m not insinuating that religious teens don’t think, I’m rather saying that I deconverted from Christianity because I thought, rather than because I was told to deconvert or brainwashed or whatever.

 So, c’est moi.  I apologize in advance for any spelling or typing errors in this blog; it’s not that I’m a victim of declining education standards, rather it’s the fact that I type poorly.  Well, I’m off, au revoir.  Next blog entry: my deconversion story.